When I was a new graduate, I never hesitated to prescribe
pills for my feline patients. I would
demonstrate the technique of administering a capsule or tablet, and down the
hatch it would go. Occasionally my cat
clients would call and tell me that they couldn’t pill their cat. I knew that couldn’t possibly be true: There
was simply no such thing as an “unpillable cat”! After all, I had easily popped in that
medication at the appointment.
So I called it the “myth of the unpillable cat” — until a
few months into my first year of practice.
Because that’s when I met such a rascal, and became more humble.
It’s one thing if clients can’t pill their
cat. They don’t have our expertise, and
they are afraid of hurting their little buddy, or they’re just plain afraid of
her; one little struggle or hiss, and they give up. Veterinarians, on the other hand, know every
cat trick in the book. But even the slyest
and strongest among us is no match for a truly determined feline.
First, she hears the pill bottle rattle. (Here’s
a hint: Take the pill out of the bottle well ahead of time.) Just that sound is enough to send her into
the crawl space for two days. But
sometimes she’ll humor you and allow you to put her into the pilling position. You gently scruff her or place your hand over her
muzzle, and that’s when the trouble starts:
If she doesn’t lacerate your forearms with her front claws, she’ll flip
her hind legs over her head and push you away with her well-armed hind paws, at
the same time twisting her body into impossible positions, all of which yields
her desired result: You simply have to
let go. Think you can wrap this
scoundrel in a towel like a mummy and avoid the flying fur? Hah! The unpillable cat laughs at a stinking
towel! D.H. Lawrence said that “reason is a supple nymph, and slippery as a
fish by nature.” In my opinion, reason
doesn’t hold a candle to the unpillable cat.
Then there is the sly feline who allows her people to pop the
pill. But no matter how far down her
throat they push it, this creature has a true gift: She can always regurgitate it. I see these cats from time to time, and I’m always
grudgingly impressed.
There are alternatives to pills, of course. There are injections, but they don’t appeal
to most cat owners or to their kitties.
Liquid oral concoctions and instant-dissolving tablets are easier to
administer, but the unpillable cat will have none of that: As soon as the
medication hits her tongue, she turns on a fountain of foamy saliva and
violently shakes her head while racing around the house.
The most promising solution is delivery of medication via a
cream, applied to the inner surface of the ear, but not many medications come
in that form. And true to her nature, the
hard-core unpillable cat (maybe I should rename this critter “the unmedicatable
cat,” but it doesn’t slip off the tongue) has a technique to prevent that. Her response is immediate and violent,
especially if she is equipped with front claws.
So how do we treat these kitties? We can’t, and we don’t. Sometimes their life depends on the very
medications they reject, but forcing a cat to do something to which he is
violently opposed can destroy the bond he has with his people. Many clients have told me that they would
rather forgo treatment and take the consequences than have their cat hate
them. Still, I like to get these patients
into our office to check the owner’s technique. Occasionally I find they’re
just going about it the wrong way; a few tweaks and all is well. But to the steadfastly unpillable cat, I say,
“I have met the devil, and it is thee!”
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