What the death of a pet can teach us

Not long ago I was browsing in a store when I heard someone say, “Dr. Molly!”  It was a client whose cat had recently been euthanized, and she told me that she was still heartbroken.  She lives alone, and that kitty had been her constant companion. She then went on to tell me that she would never get another cat again. Losing a pet was too painful.

Folks have lots of good reasons for not replacing their lost pals:  Long hours at work, or otherwise being too busy, can preclude having a dog. Some people want to start traveling and don’t want to have to board or find a caretaker for their pet. Economics and allergies are other good excuses to avoid pet ownership.  But not getting another companion for fear of the inevitable loss is a reason that deserves further consideration. 

About seven years ago I was diagnosed with a chronic disease, and that sent me on a quest to make sense of it all. My research led me to read Victor Frankl’s famous book “Man’s Search for Meaning.” Frankl was a Jewish psychiatrist who was sent to four different concentration camps during World War II. His suffering there was unimaginable. The odds of his survival in the camps were one in 28, but survive he did. His profound book isn’t about just his torment at the camps, but also his insight as to what makes life meaningful. 

I recently reread his book and realized how well it related to my observations as a veterinarian.

Frankl said that we can discover meaning in life in three ways:

1. By creating a work or doing a deed.
2. By experiencing something or encountering someone.
3. By the attitude we take toward unavoidable suffering.

The first two ways, finding meaning in achievement or accomplishment and experiencing something, are easy to understand in the context of pet ownership. By giving a pet a good life, not only are we doing a good deed, but we are also creating the experiences of mutual joy, love, and affection. Frankl contends that experiencing can be as valuable as achieving. That is therapeutic, because we live in a world that emphasizes achievement in the external world at the expense of one’s internal experience. 

The third way is by finding meaning in suffering. Frankl suggested that we can find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation. It challenges us to change ourselves. “In some ways,” he wrote, “suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning.” 

The suffering after the death of a beloved pet caused my client to reject the thought of getting another cat. According to Victor Frankl, we would need to find meaning from such an event in order to transcend our anguish. What could possibly be meaningful about losing a beloved companion?

 Losing your pal opens up the opportunity to provide another pet with a happy life. That is especially important for an animal that is confined to a crowded shelter and at risk of euthanasia or that is otherwise homeless. Immersing yourself in sorrow in the long term will preclude your giving love to another dog, cat, or other pet, and it isn’t a righteous tribute to the friend you lost.

Victor Frankl contended that we may find meaning in life when facing a situation, such as death, that cannot be changed. He believed that when we suffer the death of a loved one, we “bear witness to the uniquely human potential at its best, which is to transform a personal tragedy into a triumph, to turn one’s predicament into a human achievement.”  He felt that we should suffer bravely, and he considered that to be ennobling.  Being imprisoned for four years allowed him that unique perspective.

Through suffering the loss of a pet, we survive and learn to cope. If you could see that as an ennobling achievement, as Victor Frankl did, it would allow you to move on. Fear of loss would not deprive you of what could be many more years of giving and receiving the love of a pet. And that will add to the richness and meaning of your life.